Keeping it Real

When patience is tested

I got up at least 6 times throughout the night last night and my cranky was at a level 4, but not quite defcon level 5.

It’s been like this every night for almost a week now. I don’t know that I remember how to have a newborn in the house again. But that drive kicks in and we do what we do because that’s what love does.

To be clear, I am not always appreciative of the opportunity to be tested in my patience or my grace. In fact, while getting my mom patient dressed this morning I may or may not have told her that I would suffocate her if she didn’t start sleeping at night. She knew I was kidding, but for the real, I am whooped.

I cannot help but see how God sees me again and again, doing the same dumb things that cause trouble or pain or rattle my peace. He keeps loving me when I keep Him up all night, I am sure.

And the next morning He wakes me up to continue to live and love loudly knowing that before nightfall my patience will be tested and I will also have the chance to love bigger. Like making a fancy breakfast for the one that keeps me up all night, He loves big and loves when I am exhausting because He so loves me and you as well.

He loves still. He loves despite and He loves because love does.

So, I invite you to reflect and share about the times you are exhausted and your peace has been rattled. Do you choose to love bigger and louder? How do you change the trajectory of your day and perspective when you’re whooped? Can you see yourself and others through the eyes of grace?


The God of Still and Again

I was reminded a few months ago about how generous and patient our God truly is. I was sitting in a coffee shop, sharing time with a friend who is in a place of self-awareness and struggle; confession and conviction; of hard and beautiful all at the same time. 

It’s a place that most of us have been at least a time or two. As I am sharing my experience, my understanding and the truth about who she is in Jesus, it hits me that He is the God of still and again. 

I get a little wound up and passionate, emotional and full of supernatural giddiness when I see how He works in all of those moments in my own walk, to then sit across the table from another human being and listen to what she is experiencing. I still ask Him if He is sure He really wants to use me in that way, because just a few days before this I was leaning heavily on the team in my life to share hope, truth and rationality with me. His answer, so far, has always been yes, again and still. 

Honestly, when I think about that very basic concept and truth I am pretty mind blown. I try not to overthink His goodness, and instead learn to receive it and walk in it. 

But it is the thinking about what is true that brings me back to center and most of the time, the people that share their hearts with me across the table, have somehow forgotten who they are in Him and who He is in them. 

It’s a place that I end up, too, if I am not intentional.

I realize that no matter how many times I tend to do or think the wrong thing when I know full well what is right, He is still there waiting. He is still ready to embrace the prodigal daughter again and again. 

When I backslide into old thinking and let fear chip away at my true identity, my braveness, my surrender to the process of growing in obedience and trust; He is still there waiting. Again. 

In recovery, in following Jesus, we have a toolbox full of tools that we can pull out at any time. If we are already regularly using those tools, then there’s a smaller window of opportunity to fall or backslide or get super distracted by the enemy and his schemes. 

The tools are there still and again, because they were given to you and I by the God of still and again. 

Right now, are you in a place of still and again only on the wrong side of serenity, wholeness and sanity? What have you done to change that? Now is not the time to make a list of what a failure you have been and decide to give up or even think that you have fallen too far to be loved and welcomed back. It is time to confess it, share it and turn back to the tools you have been given starting with the One who provided them.