A few days ago, we started talking about female friendships and began a conversation about authentic relationships with a brief look at the friendship of Ruth and Naomi.
Today, let’s chat about Mary and Martha. I know that we look at this scripture and we compare the differences between the two sisters in how they handled themselves with Jesus in their presence. The end result being basically saying don’t get so wrapped up in the act of serving, instead maintain focus first and the One you are serving. You can read the whole encounter in Luke 10:38-42.
In looking at these two women, we can see quite a bit about friendships and how easily the comparison game gets started. We can also see why God brings people that have different strengths and weaknesses together for a purpose. Which is exactly how female friendships operate so well, if we let them.
Think big picture for a second. What Mary and Martha were doing was not bad. It is not wrong to worry and fret about the perfect Pinterest home or meal. Obviously, it is not wrong at all to sit at the feet of Jesus with your finest perfume. One of these things is good, and the other is better. The issue isn’t about the way we do it, it is about the why we do it and for whom we are doing it.
So, let’s break this down. What are some of the the keys for authentic relationships?
- True hospitality. Hospitality says, “Come on in the door is open,” when you have dust bunnies in the corners, dog hair on the furniture, and a week of dirty dishes in the sink. When we invite each other into our messy reality without worrying about it, we open the door for grace and the motive to be about the person-not the home the person lives in.
- Hospitality from the heart says I love you as you are, not as you should be when we are emotionally or spiritually not in our best shape.
- Acceptance of each other’s different ways of coping. No judgment, no comparison. Just grace, gratitude and acceptance but too much love to let us camp out in our mess. Authentic friends speak the truth in love and tell us the things we don’t really want to hear, but need to hear. When that’s done, they invite you to stick around and make space for your messiness knowing that one day it will be their turn to receive the same.
- Authentic friendships point us back to the source first. These friends will say things like, “Have you talked to God about that yet or are you just going to whine about it?” while they have a smile on their face, empathy in their eyes and arms wide open prepared for a hug.
Let’s talk about it: If this is something you are not experiencing, is it possible that the common denominator is you? Is it possible that instead of leaning into community, you are hiding from it in some way or seeing through a lens of comparison and insecurity?